A thread about parenting

zeotherm

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Four-lane road with median and bus stops (so 6 "lanes": two travel in each direction, plus bus stop/parking). I was stopped at a red light in the right most travel lane. Someone went around me on the right, through the bus stop area, and made a left across everything.
Sounds like how we drive in Bmore :D
 

Cognac

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In case you're worried you can absolutely tell them "no, you can't have ice cream, you've already had desert and snacks and didn't eat your diner" then turn around, put them to bed, and grab the spoon and eat right out of the tub until it's gone when they're not looking.
Oh, I wasn't worried about this aspect of it. At all.
 

Thegn

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The Talk.

You know the one.

The Sprog is starting to ask Questions. Big Questions. Big Important Questions.

I don't just want to hand her a book and run away (actually, yes I do) so what are some good resources so I can be prepared when the time comes?
 
Use technically correct real words and not silly substitutions. Take it seriously, but talk normally - so it feels like questions can be asked. Or in other words, it should be a reasonably relaxed experience for the kid. Explain that questions may come later and you'd be happy to answer those when they come up. Don't necessarily give more details than are needed to answer the questions that come up. Expect to have several talks - maybe even make it a yearly icecream/coffee date so that you can keep up with the maturing kid and it's not too awkward to talk to you when things get really crazy for them later on.

Oh, and whatever you do - don't point out the plot inconsistencies between Episodes VII, VIII, and IX ahead of time. Let the magic and mystery last as long as it can. You were talking about the Star Wars talk, right?
 

drogin

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Keep it simple and let them ask questions. I tend to hit this one as several passes through the topic.

Give them the basics, and see how they do, but if they are asking questions let them lead as far as they want. If they handle all that, go deeper next time.

You are still fighting attention span even at that age.
 
How does one effectively get their spouse to understand that the kids’ behavior is predominantly a reaction to the spouse’s behavior.
Ideally? Gentle, loving, and clear communication. If that's not a practically applied option,1 then professional counseling will probably reach the same conclusion. Or the right sort of parenting book.

1We all have blind spots and sometimes it's hardest to hear about that from someone we think is too close to the blind spot. I get that.
 

Happysin

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We did a parent effectiveness training workshop, and it helped a lot.
Funny how that works. My wife insisted I take the introduction to dadding course, but also insisted that didn't need to happen for moms. Sometimes you have to get the cultural assumptions addressed first.

It took some time, but we got around to it later. It was was a big thing when she realized the things she was excusing as "Asian parenting" was really code for "abuse I took that I'm passing on because that's what I was raised on".
 

Scotttheking

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Funny how that works. My wife insisted I take the introduction to dadding course, but also insisted that didn't need to happen for moms. Sometimes you have to get the cultural assumptions addressed first.

It took some time, but we got around to it later. It was was a big thing when she realized the things she was excusing as "Asian parenting" was really code for "abuse I took that I'm passing on because that's what I was raised on".
As far as I’m concerned I’m a dumpster fire of a parent, not excusing myself in any way. My wife’s parents are emotionally manipulative, and that’s exactly what I called out yesterday - stop complaining at kids. you don’t get a kid to sleep by annoying them to sleep. She’s excusing herself with “but they need to go to sleep”, while doing actions that have the exact opposite result.
Also, I have a fever and my ability to contribute is very loq.
 
As far as I’m concerned I’m a dumpster fire of a parent, not excusing myself in any way. My wife’s parents are emotionally manipulative, and that’s exactly what I called out yesterday - stop complaining at kids. you don’t get a kid to sleep by annoying them to sleep. She’s excusing herself with “but they need to go to sleep”, while doing actions that have the exact opposite result.
When everybody's tired, you never get good resuls. We've had our share of mutual tantrums at bedtime :p

It's a matter of training yourselves to spot when this is happening, calling it out and correcting on the spot. Not easy, but it'll yield mighty good results.
 

gregatron5

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Dude. I feel for you. If I may…

Just be as 100% supportive as possible. Kids are gonna kid. Tantrums are normal. Stuff is just stuff. You're not in the desert. If you lose or break something, it's replaceable. (If not, you can't take it with you anyway, try to be glad you had it while you did.) It's only money. We can make more. We have enough to not worry (I'm pretty sure). Do your best to let go of what you can and enjoy the trip. Worry about the things that need to be worried about when you get home. (If you or the Mrs. are the type to worry that you'll forget about what to worry about, write it down to try to help with that worry. 😉)

That's for you and the Mrs. ;)

For the kids, just be as 100% supportive as possible. It's OK to be upset. This is a big trip and you're probably having big feelings about it, and that's OK. It's normal to feel a little sad/afraid/worried when you're not at home for so long. It's OK to feel a little afraid in a new place. The first time I went to a new country I was overwhelmed, too. It's normal to not want to sleep in a different bed every night, and it's also OK to stay in hotels and I love you and that's what we need to do tonight, so I'll stay with you until you're asleep.

Stuff like that. This article is about public outbursts, but it holds for outbursts in private spaces, too. Maybe a little dedicated time to let emotions and energy out before bed, even if it's difficult for the parents in the short term, would be good in the long term.

Best of luck. Text if you need some trans-Atlantic moral/emotional support 🫂
 

gregatron5

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OH! Also. It's not gonna be perfect. You're gonna lose it. The Mrs. is gonna lose it. Your kids are gonna lose it. It's OK. That's normal, too. Apologize to whoever needs it and do your best to give yourself (or whoever) some grace, recover, and move on. Trips are hard for everyone in different ways. It'll all be OK.
 
So, much as I've tried, my kids don't seem to like to listen to anything but Disney pop songs and such. However, today, big asked me to put her headphones on and play music for her. After the playlist I had rolling (lullabies, because honestly I thought she would get bored of them and take the headphones off. I don't like her ignoring everyone and just listening to headphones when people are around) ended she started hearing my progressive rock/metal interests and she is listening to and enjoying leprous and Caligula's horse and Yes. WTF?! I'm just happy she likes it, not fighting this.

My lullaby mix is eclectic. It's a space I was able to get away from the pop music and includes jim croche, Tom Petty, some acoustic guitar, umphrey's McGhee, Bela flex, but ends with a ~18 minute tune from Haken that I picked because, despite being a metal band, this is a more slow and soft tune that kind of drones and I figure would be a last ditch effort trying to get a kid to shut down. It also happens to be a war of the worlds kind of story about an alien genocide of Earth, but I don't tell them that. It's clearly the tune that launched leprous and Caligula's horse.
 
Just trying things out, not necessarily songs specifically written for kids, is the only way to figure out their tastes.

Mine like Frozen (Let it Go, etc.), Bumba, Kinderen voor Kinderen, Clowncore, Plaid, Camerata Mediolanense and Four Tet.

My wife fixes the impending emo phase by also letting them listen to normal pop music. Parenting is teamwork.
 
My children cause me to have weird philosophical thoughts processes. Do I like girly stuff? No. Do I like cat ears? No. When the girls all get cat ears do I want some? Yes. Is that peer pressure? No. Nobody asked me to. Is this functionally different than trying to dress a certain way or listen to a certain kind of music just to fit in with a crowd in high school? I... Don't know. Back then I'd say that's unhealthy, you just be you and get along with people or don't. But right now I see it as a virtue. I think that's more than just "they're my children though". That certainly can't be ignored, but I feel like there's more to it than that, though I'm unable to articulate it.

Anyway, this man needs cat ears stat!