Bad Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Not_an_IT_guy
- Start date
The answer will shock you!
Police confirm that he man who fell to his death from the roof of a nightclub was not a bouncer.
What do a dog and a phone have in common?
They both have collar I.D.
They both have collar I.D.
It is easy to get ladies to stop eating Tide pods. It is harder to deter gents.
A butterfly returned from a weekend at a nudist hot springs resort. Her roommate asks her, "how was it?"
She replies, "I was the only woman there, but none of them were my type. Also, the whole place smelled like moth balls."
I've got a joke about trickle down economics,
but 99% of you won't get it.
but 99% of you won't get it.
I like UDP jokes but I don't always get them.
I'd tell you a UDP joke, but I'm not sure you'd get it.
I'd tell you a TCP joke, but i'd probably have to repeat it.
Okay I am ready for your TCP joke.
I'm sending a TCP joke now.
There are 3 unwritten rules in life.
1.
2.
3.
2.
3.
I realized early on that the me and the maths don't necessarily get along.
I tried, I did, to understand them.
Eventually, I just decided to avoid the entirety of decimal systems.
that turned out to be untenable.
I tried, I did, to understand them.
Eventually, I just decided to avoid the entirety of decimal systems.
that turned out to be untenable.
In life I find that there are four keys to success.
Specifically they are 's', 'u', 'c', and 'e'.
Specifically they are 's', 'u', 'c', and 'e'.
A man walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks.
The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?”
The man says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the dog would sell the place.”
The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?”
The man says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the dog would sell the place.”
An Englishman, an I rishman and a gorilla walk into a bar and order banana daquiris.
The barman says
The barman says
is this some kind of joke?
A bishop, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a bar.
The barman looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
The barman looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Two people walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was assaulted...
...
...
peanut
...
...
peanut
A bishop, a priest and a rabbit walk into a bar.
The bishop says "I'm a faith leader of my diocese".
The priest says "I'm a faith leader of my parish".
The rabbit says
I'm a typo
After posting, I realised it would be better if the first line used "rabbi".
In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?
Naked and screaming
Naked and screaming
I hate typos, you make one mistake and your whole post is urined.
True story, one time I got an official company email that said "the servers are down due to flooding in the basement. We apologize for the incontinence." To this day I don't know if it was a typo or deliberate sly joke.
True story, one time I got an official company email that said "the servers are down due to flooding in the basement. We apologize for the incontinence." To this day I don't know if it was a typo or deliberate sly joke.
What do you call a snake that can determine the sum when two numbers are combined?
An adder
What do call the same snake when it learns to determine the result of subtracting one number from another?
It's still an adder. Taxonomy is not determined by mathematical ability
An adder
What do call the same snake when it learns to determine the result of subtracting one number from another?
It's still an adder. Taxonomy is not determined by mathematical ability
I'm creating a new cologne. I call it:
Leave Me
The FA-Cologne
Leave Me
The FA-Cologne
My uncle knew exactly when he was going to die.
The judge told him.
The judge told him.
Q: What is the most common job held by gay men?
A: Lawyer? Doctor? Architect? I don't know how these jokes go after the 1980s. Wait, is the answer "Google it!"?
Q: What do you call an Ethiopian with a Mohawk?
A: A punk? I know it is not "Dry Man" as no one is dry man if we are going to see The Nothing Heads play. Again I'm not sure how these jokes go now that the 80s is in the past.
Dad jokes must die!:
Q: Why was the flint arrowhead maker fired by his moron boss?
A: His boss caught him knapping.
Making flint blades and arrow heads, the only job where you get a raise when your boss catches you knapping.
Q: Why do the Water Melon and the Honey Dew have to get married publicly?
A: Because they cantaloupe.
I feel sickened for even posting those 2.
A: Lawyer? Doctor? Architect? I don't know how these jokes go after the 1980s. Wait, is the answer "Google it!"?
Q: What do you call an Ethiopian with a Mohawk?
A: A punk? I know it is not "Dry Man" as no one is dry man if we are going to see The Nothing Heads play. Again I'm not sure how these jokes go now that the 80s is in the past.
Dad jokes must die!:
Q: Why was the flint arrowhead maker fired by his moron boss?
A: His boss caught him knapping.
Making flint blades and arrow heads, the only job where you get a raise when your boss catches you knapping.
Q: Why do the Water Melon and the Honey Dew have to get married publicly?
A: Because they cantaloupe.
I feel sickened for even posting those 2.
Did you hear that Disney is re-releasing all of their movies in X-rated editions?
They're starting with The Aristocats!
They're starting with The Aristocats!
I don't understand why people use fractions instead of decimal notation.
It's pointless.
It's pointless.
Look you have to draw the line somewhere or people will think you are being irrational.
how do you tell someone their breath stinks, without being rude?
I'm bored. let's drink mouthwash.
I'm bored. let's drink mouthwash.