How are you manifesting your mid-life crisis?

invertedpanda · Saturday at 9:57 AM

So, I turned 41 a little over a week ago.

I've never been one to say folks need to act/dress their age, but I think I'm taking it a bit far and am experiencing a mild mid-life crisis

Frequently this summer when I leave the house I've decided I hate shorts and only want to wear kilts (today's is a black Tactical Kilt from Damn Near Kilt 'Em). I also frequently paint my nails (when my hands work), and have even started wearing eyeliner again (although not as often; it's one of those things that's hard to put on when my arthritis flares up).

Hell, the bulk of my attire as of late has been clinging to my rivethead/punk/goth roots hard. It's like I'm reliving my college years, except now I have disposable income for all the random bullshit I want

It's actually kind of hilarious, since I also hobble around with a cane and wear my progressive-lens glasses on a chain around my neck (with skulls at the arm loops).

I just hope I don't decide I need to wear a trenchcoat when fall hits. I think I might need an intervention at that point.

How about you, my fellow well-aged Arsians?

fellow human · Saturday at 10:05 AM

I just went the typical fast expensive car route.

swiftdraw · Saturday at 10:18 AM

Photography. I find it rather relaxing.

GaitherBill · Saturday at 10:27 AM

Turned 46, got divorced

When the basic ass riding mower broke and I was waiting for parts I decided I deserve nice things and bought a nice Zero Turn.

I am now Franklin the Pig from the Geico ads when I drive it around the yard.

Also got myself a new daily driver to supplement my 10 year old truck. A 2024 Subaru Crosstrek Limited.

And Sam’s club had their 5 burner griddle on sale, so I bought one. Again, because I deserve nice things.

The ex was a bag of shit when it came to sticking to a budget. Now that it’s just me, the budget provides, and I have a tidy surplus every month to boot.

DaveJ · Saturday at 10:35 AM

47 here. I got back into Lego 6 years ago, and now I have a house full of it.

Last year I traded my trusty 18yo pokey Elantra for a CX5 Signature Turbo... all the toys, and zoom-zoom!

invertedpanda · Saturday at 10:37 AM

DaveJ said:
I got back into Lego 6 years ago, and now I have a house full of it.

Oh man, I need to make sure I NEVER buy any legos.. My childhood was consumed by lego, I can't let that happen as an adult

DaveJ · Saturday at 11:23 AM

invertedpanda said:
Oh man, I need to make sure I NEVER buy any legos.. My childhood was consumed by lego, I can't let that happen as an adult

Hey, at least it holds value very well, so I can justify purchases as part of my "retirement fund".

Technarch · Saturday at 11:56 AM

Yeah I have some unopened sets that are worth a significant amount of spending money. Of course, if I can bring myself to ebay them, I'll probably wind up spending the proceeds on more lego.

My own midlife crisis is coming to a head as the mediation session for the divorce is finally scheduled for week after next.

Diabolical · Saturday at 12:07 PM

I turned 41 a few days ago.
I drive a two seater roadster. If it isn’t raining, the top is down.
Good enough?

whoisit · Saturday at 12:10 PM

Sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair and a highball?

von Chaps · Saturday at 1:40 PM

Good question @invertedpanda. Generally, the most significant thing I noticed was shifting from "saving for the future" to "spend it before it's too late".

And a philosophical shift to:

Be kind to yourself
Up the bodily maintenance
Think about giving something back

Thorvard · Saturday at 1:41 PM

I've never understood the mid-life crisis bit. It just seems like a way for someone to do something and if anybody says anything "Well its a midlife crisis"

Then again I'm not generally a person who cares about age at all. My wife made a bigger deal about me turning 40 a few years back than I did.

I can't think of anything that I would probably even do. I don't care about cars(I'm letting my wife just pick the next one), I'm too cheap to really invest in something I do like, I hate vacations, etc. I already have tattoos, I still dress like I did in my teens/twenties.

Maybe I'll finally pull that trigger on the new phone I've been wanting. Wild and crazy guy!

von Chaps · Saturday at 1:42 PM

invertedpanda said:
Hell, the bulk of my attire as of late has been clinging to my rivethead/punk/goth roots hard. It's like I'm reliving my college years, except now I have disposable income for all the random bullshit I want It's actually kind of hilarious, since I also hobble around with a cane and wear my progressive-lens glasses on a chain around my neck (with skulls at the arm loops).

Getting a massive Steampunk vibe here.

crombie · Saturday at 1:51 PM

I mean, I had my dad's red sports car for a bit, but I wouldn't call it a crisis as such. Maybe I think more of the impending end than I did before?

von Chaps · Saturday at 2:26 PM

I've said it before, but I always subscribed to the philosophy "buy cheap, buy twice", but now I buy things that I think will last "long enough" rather than "forever".

On the off-chance the OP was specifically referring to matters sartorial, well I still dress cooler than the kidz. But I would say that!

Q · Saturday at 2:46 PM

Existential dread, mostly

von Chaps · Saturday at 2:50 PM

Thorvard said:
I've never understood the mid-life crisis bit. It just seems like a way for someone to do something and if anybody says anything "Well its a midlife crisis"

Yes, this. The point is, I think, mid-life crisis is when you get to the time in life where you "do something" as a conscious action rather than just have it happen to you.

Thorvard said:
Then again I'm not generally a person who cares about age at all. My wife made a bigger deal about me turning 40 a few years back than I did.

I don't think it's about age. It's about attitude. There comes a time when things begin to hurt (apologies to OP) and when one becomes aware that the end is closer than the start. Where/when that is differs between individuals.

Thorvard said:
I can't think of anything that I would probably even do. I don't care about cars(I'm letting my wife just pick the next one), I'm too cheap to really invest in something I do like

"Too cheap" just means "concerned about the future". There comes a time when that goes away. When the "available money" versus "available time" balance shifts.

Thorvard said:
Maybe I'll finally pull that trigger on the new phone I've been wanting.

There it is! Give in...

Thorvard · Saturday at 3:26 PM

von Chaps said:
I don't think it's about age. It's about attitude. There comes a time when things begin to hurt (apologies to OP) and when one becomes aware that the end is closer than the start. Where/when that is differs between individuals.

Crap, I had that happen about 10 years ago

von Chaps said:
"Too cheap" just means "concerned about the future". There comes a time when that goes away. When the "available money" versus "available time" balance shifts.

I get that point but it's not even about that. I could go out today and get that 18 year Macallen I want. But no. That $500 could buy 50 Steam games instead. And who charges $500 for liquor?! We do good, I stay home, my wife works and we don't really worry about much. I just don't like spending money.

von Chaps said:
There it is! Give in...

Yeah, but I won't lol. I could, in theory, get the phone for about $400(after discounts and trade in) and I have that in my eBay account from selling old crap but still...that $400 could be used for 40 things on ebay. And I don't really need a new phone, mine still works. Or cash it out and get a bunch of Steam games or that Warhammer box set I wanted. Wait, that box set is $200, that's insane. I piss my wife off because I won't buy things. I don't upgrade my PC until it dies, I don't want to get rid of the car(though that's out of my hands at this point), my phone still works, etc.

My wife is the oppsite she turned 40 in May and basically said "Fuck this" and left and went to Switzerland for a week. I supported her but didn't understand it. Who cares? It's just 40, you're in great shape, you have a good job, what's the big deal?

I know I'm gonna die, and probably sooner at this point than anything, I just don't care about it. I guess maybe I haven't hit that point yet, I dunno. I've had deaths in my family so it's not like I'm immune to it.

Technarch · Saturday at 4:07 PM

Thorvard said:
My wife is the oppsite she turned 40 in May and basically said "Fuck this" and left and went to Switzerland for a week. I supported her but didn't understand it. Who cares? It's just 40, you're in great shape, you have a good job, what's the big deal?

40 is a big deal for the people who have two X chromosomes, for biological and societal reasons. Society can treat old people with Y chromosomes as "distinguished", but old people without Y chromosomes get treated as second class citizens in a number of ways. It's superficial and unfair but I haven't figured out how to fix it yet.

For me, the midlife crisis hits at the point when you realize that your remaining lifespan is finite and enumerable, and that a lot of the things you've idly thought about doing are not ever gonna happen, for health or financial reasons. So "I could climb Everest" or "I could own an expensive car" becomes "I could have climbed Everest" or "I wish I could have owned that car." The switch from dream to unfulfilled dream is pretty drastic.

(Not that I ever wanted to climb Everest, especially after reading the Krakauer book. Fuck that.)

JasterMereel · Saturday at 4:20 PM

I seem to be less interested in buying stuff. Honestly, I'm just tired of dealing with so much shit. Right now, I am focusing an getting by with less and saving as much as possible for retirement.

Telwar · Saturday at 5:02 PM

I turn 49 in three weeks, and I don't think I'm feeling anything like a mid-life crisis, yet. Talk to me next year.

rtrefz · Saturday at 6:56 PM

I definitely spend less on stuff and more on experiences. I don't really feel like I had a mid-life crisis yet. Had the mortality reminder when I broke my kneecap 3 weeks before my 40th birthday.

JimCampbell · Saturday at 7:06 PM

I suppose it's not a "mid-life" crisis at my age (55) but I decided to get in shape over the various lockdowns in the UK. Now that there's a body emerging from a combination of weight loss and exercise that I've literally never seen before, I have an uncontrollable urge to get it tattooed.

JasterMereel · Saturday at 7:52 PM

JimCampbell said:
I suppose it's not a "mid-life" crisis at my age (55) but I decided to get in shape over the various lockdowns in the UK. Now that there's a body emerging from a combination of weight loss and exercise that I've literally never seen before, I have an uncontrollable urge to get it tattooed.

Get the tattoos, man.

Apteris · 2024-06-30T12:30:01-0400

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$240 for a pen and stand. It's all I can do not to buy it right now.

Diabolical · 2024-06-30T12:55:52-0400

Apteris said:
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$240 for a pen and stand. It's all I can do not to buy it right now.

Do NOT go to the Pen/Stationary/Fountain Pen thread with that. They (we

) are the worst (best :biggreen:

) bunch of enablers ever when it comes to purchasing ultimately superfluous writing utensils.

It’ll start off with, “I want it but I don’t know,” and end with all of us chanting “One of us, one of us, one of us,” while pm‘ing you pictures of little hand written messages that say ‘DO IT!’.

von Chaps · 2024-06-30T14:14:31-0400

Thorvard said:
I get that point but it's not even about that. I could go out today and get that 18 year Macallen I want. But no. That $500 could buy 50 Steam games instead. And who charges $500 for liquor?!

I think this might illustrate my point quite well. Many people could never afford $500 for a bottle of liquor, but since you can and hopefully you always will, I contend that there will come a time when your calculus will change from "meh, not worth it" to "I can afford it and life is for living, why not?"

For sure, I have spent money on things my younger self would never have entertained.

Man, I sound old - and I don't think I am really

Diabolical · 2024-06-30T14:35:54-0400

von Chaps said:
I contend that there will come a time when your calculus will change from "meh, not worth it" to "I can afford it and life is for living, why not?"

I feel that my time in the great hot place prematurely altered my perspective.

A) I was intimately aware of my own mortality, something most people in their 20’s aren’t.
B) I was well financed.

So I bought and enjoyed a lot of expensive consumables because:

"I can afford it and life is for living, why not?"

And I have reverted back to ‘meh, not worth it’ for most things now that I’m in my 40s.
Or, let me rephrase.

I AM much more frugal now, but I would contend that is down to knowing what I want and being much more discerning instead of whimsical. Because I’ve already done the whimsy.

Now my pen habit, my boots habit, and my car may say differently. And to that I say

.

von Chaps · 2024-06-30T15:39:20-0400

Diabolical said:
And I have reverted back to ‘meh, not worth it’ for most things now that I’m in my 40s.
Or, let me rephrase.

I AM much more frugal now, but I would contend that is down to knowing what I want and being much more discerning instead of whimsical. Because I’ve already done the whimsy.

Oh, absolutely! I get what you're saying. As someone who has never served, I can only (read: not) imagine what it was like in the sand pit. However, I do think what you are talking about is orthogonal to the "age-based" crisis being discussed here.

I mean, I also had more money than I knew what to do with and also burned the candle at both ends (

). However, here we are.

My indulgences now are, for sure, tempered by my prior experiences, but they are still driven in large part by the ever shifting time versus money calculus.

charliebird · 2024-06-30T16:09:22-0400

My midlife crisis led me to pick up and move my family halfway around the world to start a new life in a new country.

Thorvard · 2024-06-30T16:44:36-0400

Diabolical said:
And I have reverted back to ‘meh, not worth it’ for most things now that I’m in my 40s.
Or, let me rephrase.

I AM much more frugal now, but I would contend that is down to knowing what I want and being much more discerning instead of whimsical. Because I’ve already done the whimsy.

I think that's how I am now. I dunno, from 14-23 I worked full time, living at home with no social life. I spent money. I wanted something, I got it. Then when I started dating my now-wife I still spent but a bit less. Then sometime after we got married and probably around the time I started staying home, I just stopped. I didn't need every new gadget and toy. I certainly didn't need new laptops or a new PC every year.

Obviously looking back on it, I wished I saved that money but what can you do. I was happy then lol

jbode · 2024-06-30T20:04:57-0400

Guitars. Too many guitars. Way too many.

That I can't play for crap.

Apteris · 2024-07-01T00:48:33-0400

charliebird said:
My midlife crisis led me to pick up and move my family halfway around the world to start a new life in a new country.

Tell us more, if you would. Or, if you already have, perhaps post a link to that post?

I ask because that's a big change, and I'm curious about both the motivation and the logistics of it.

iPilot05 · 2024-07-01T08:03:00-0400

If anything my mid life crisis isn’t wanting anything at all. What I mean is I got too much crap in my life as it is and long for the days of a small single guy apartment with hand-me-down furniture.

Friends just bought a vacation home and the idea of having to manage the hassles of TWO houses sounds dreadful.

Ulf · 2024-07-01T08:15:58-0400

I’m not. I’m single, no children, I can buy whatever I want whenever I want. I hold back because at this point I’m concerned about having enough to retire on.

I traveled a bit last year but due to family drama I can’t do that any longer.

beeblebrox · 2024-07-01T08:37:55-0400

I'm 53 and I find myself wanting to get back into playing guitar in a live band environment, and to also purchase a boat. I mean, I won't get the boat because I have no way to tow it reliably (any boat I would purchase would exceed the towing capacity of our current vehicles), and so that means a boat AND a car. And the boat isn't even a serious desire, it's an idle "my old man had a boat when I was a kid, and I enjoyed it" kind of thing.

So mostly it's just wanting to jam with people and be on-stage again. That's an okay "midlife crisis," innit?

DrWebster · 2024-07-01T08:41:49-0400

I'm totally not wishing I could get a motorcycle. Nope, not me...

Tom Foolery · 2024-07-01T08:52:36-0400

Thorvard said:
I've never understood the mid-life crisis bit. It just seems like a way for someone to do something and if anybody says anything "Well its a midlife crisis"

Then again I'm not generally a person who cares about age at all. My wife made a bigger deal about me turning 40 a few years back than I did.

I can't think of anything that I would probably even do. I don't care about cars(I'm letting my wife just pick the next one), I'm too cheap to really invest in something I do like, I hate vacations, etc. I already have tattoos, I still dress like I did in my teens/twenties.

Maybe I'll finally pull that trigger on the new phone I've been wanting. Wild and crazy guy!

It's less about age and more about what you do or where you go when your kids have grown up and moved on, or when you have grown so far apart from your spouse that it makes no sense to stay together. You look around you and realize that you have not been living the life you want to live, and make an effort to do that very thing. So, not necessarily a "crisis," more like you just realize that sacrificing who you are in order to raise your kids or stay with your spouse is no longer necessary.

In honor of that, I give you this:

I need a new picture for it, as I have added a windshield, back storage container, and spare tire rack. I also have LED whips for it, but I take them off when I park the vehicle, as they are taller than the garage door. Willing to take suggestions on whip flags, I just have not found a pair that really jump out at me. I could go with the traditional skull and crossbones, but think I should go with something more festive.

Middle age does not affect me, as I always have been 12-year-old Tom Foolery in my heart. The guy who likes to swim, and hunt, and is fascinated with making things work is still there. Also, my personal theory is that men (and by that I mean cis hetero men) have their mental development arrested the minute they discover boobies, so inside every hetero dude out there is a 12-14 kid.

Kilkenny · 2024-07-01T08:54:45-0400

53. I was feeling like I didn't have one, but then I look in my basement where 15 years ago there was no scotch collection, and now there is a 200+ bottle scotch collection, and apparently something did in fact happen.

JimCampbell · 2024-07-01T08:55:06-0400

beeblebrox said:
That's an okay "midlife crisis," innit?

More or less on my 40th birthday, I asked my wife if I could quit my awful office job and go full-time freelance. That same year, of three similarly-aged male friends: one left his wife, one came out as gay, and the third announced that they were transitioning.

No judgements here — for all three of them, those choices were unquestionably the right thing to do. TBH, though, I think my wife was quite relieved that I only wanted to pack my job in.

How are you manifesting your mid-life crisis?

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